No matter how much time has passed since you broke up with your ex, sometimes it’s ok to give a second chance to the relationship that meant so much to you. You find yourself wondering “do I want my ex back? “You’ve probably done a lot of thinking and engaged in some serious introspection and analysis of everything that happened and you’ve come to realise you should get back together. After all, getting back together with an ex boyfriend can be a real blessing sometimes. But, before taking the final step and going after them with the idea or rebuilding what you had in this relationship, it is important to understand why you are thinking about getting back with your ex and giving it all a second chance.
There are some very good reasons why you might want to make it work this time and why it is a good idea. More often than not, it is because you have realised you were truly loved. You felt appreciated and you were compatible as a couple, more than you thought even at the time.
This happens because after a breakup we tend to do a lot of reflection and the more objectively we look back, the easier it is for us to make the right decision. We think, reflect and actively Google advice on getting back together with an ex, all in order to find the best answer to our question, especially if we want to make the best of it this time.
In many cases getting back together with your ex is absolutely not a good idea, because there usually are good reasons behind every decision to put an end to a relationship, especially if your ex partner was abusive and the relationship destructive.
There are some equally valid reasons why you should give it a try, but it is important to make sure these reasons are real and your decision healthy for both parties.
So, when is it ok to get back with your ex? Here are 6 scenarios where the answer to your question – should I get back with my ex? – can be yes.
1. The Breakup Was Caused by External Influences or Bad Timing
Sometimes, your timing just isn’t right. It could be you moved or had to travel frequently for work a lot. Maybe you knew your ex was great from the beginning and you felt you were truly a match, but were too emotionally and mentally exhausted from a previous relationship. Maybe you weren’t really prepared to fully invest yourself and dive into something new just like that, or you simply had other things you had to deal with in your life that meant you had to put your relationship on hold.
When this is the case, getting back with your ex can be a good idea, especially if you feel they are worthy of your time, but you just couldn’t commit yourself as much as you could or wanted to the first time around. Now that the timing is better, giving it another chance can be fulfilling.
2. You Have Enough of a Foundation to Work with
All relationships go through hardships, but many of those hardships can be seen from a completely different perspective once you break up. Especially when we are younger, but in older age too, relationships end for reasons of interpersonal compatibility that later often seem irrelevant.. This is why often we end very loving relationships with trustworthy partners, even if we love them.
Maybe your partner’s habits annoyed you or you found them to be too introverted for you (or vice versa). Maybe they weren’t funny enough or their lifestyle didn’t match yours. Whatever the reason was, if this partner was supportive, if there was honesty, love and trust from both sides, giving it another shot might be one of the best things you could do. With experience we mature, and as we reflect on the past it is not uncommon to come to a realisation that your ex partner is someone you can count on and someone who loved you unconditionally, and for a romantic relationship what is truly important is exactly that – love, mutual support and trust.
3. The Reason Why You Broke Up Doesn’t Matter Now
Some of us end relationships impulsively and for reasons that don’t impact the quality of a relationship as much, but affect our own perception of the ideal relationship. Idealizing a partner can lead to brutal reality checks, when we learn they are just as human as we are, with virtues and flaws.
This doesn’t mean overlooking their flaws and accepting bad behavior. It means accepting what is acceptable and cherishing what is good. Maybe they were annoying, but still a loving partner. Maybe they cared too much about their job, football or friends. Many of such situations do affect a relationship, but not in an essentially damaging way, if you feel you two are compatible, and respect and love each other.
It is a situation where we are the ones to decide whether the reason we broke up can affect the future of a potential partnership. If we decide to go and give it a chance again, we must have in mind what happened and accept our partner as their real self.
4. You Are Both Ready to Work on It
Perhaps there was an inexplicable natural affinity between the two of you and a sense of compatibility, but you ended it because you were both too set in your ways and didn’t work on bad aspects of the relationship. Now, however you are both equally willing to change that , so you can consider giving the relationship another chance. But you both have to be objective about it and have a few serious conversations before you go on such an adventure. If you find common ground and figure you have both learned all the important lessons, and if you can see your former partner is willing to change things as much as you are, you can go for it.
However, you have to be a bit extra careful and dedicated to the relationship this time as this can be a double-edged sword, as the problems you had might resurface again. Hopefully, if you are both on the same page, that won’t happen. If you truly can trust each other with this task of rebuilding what you once had, getting back together can be a great experience.
5. If You Have Changed, Getting Back with an Ex Years Later Can Be Rewarding
While you can’t change the other person, you can definitely change yourself. Sometimes you break up with someone you love because of your own issues that prevent you from completely giving yourself to the relationship. If you were a bit shy, insecure, a bit unstable sometimes, or pushed away your ex who is a great person and really loved you and supported you wholeheartedly – that is ok, and it happens to a lot of us. If they weren’t manipulative and abusive in any form, but you just couldn’t handle the relationship because of your own issues, which you have worked on meanwhile, if you both want the relationship it is ok to step onto that plateau again.
You are now more stable and are doing your best and your ex will notice that and appreciate it. When you can say you have healthy coping mechanisms, are happy about yourself, fulfilled and more self-confident, they will be happy to support your growth and give it all another chance. Just be sure you are ready.
6. The Relationship Wasn’t Abusive or Damaging to You in Any Way
One thing you should never experience twice is an abusive relationship. Once you are out of it, you are out for good and you are brave for doing so.
When we get out of a damaging, toxic or abusive relationship, we might be tempted to go back, as it is what we are used to and we are in a way addicted to our ex lover and think we will only be loved if we are with them. This is why it is important to reexamine how our ex made us feel. If they truly weren’t abusive in any form or didn’t do any damage to our sense of worth or to our mental health, than we can consider giving them another chance.