Cognitive Reframing – Reclaiming Your Power through Reframing Your Breakup
One way to take back control while you are healing is reframing your life; reconfiguring what you’re experiencing so you can create a new story about what’s going on for you. This means moving your thinking away from feeling out of control and from being convinced that you’re being punished. It’s dispelling the belief that your ex has the power to make you feel either good or bad.
Simply put, cognitive reframing means changing how you view your situation and the way you talk to yourself (or to friends and family) about the breakup. When you cognitively reframe, you are reframing your life.
There are many examples of reframing statements For instance, you might be telling yourself (and others) that you can’t get over your ex. This is a very cut and dried way of viewing the breakup that only allows you to experience negative emotions about it. Believing you can’t get over it will leave you feeling trapped, helpless, depressed and out of control regarding your experience.
You can start to shift this energy by changing what you say into something that has more hopeful and positive energy (cognitive reframing) This can be as simple as stating:
“I feel really low about my breakup but I’m willing to believe it might be possible to get over my ex.”
When you are cognitive reframing like this, it sends powerful messages not only to your subconscious, but to your energetic body that you are open to things being different to how they are now. Many people think this means they have to constantly tell themselves hyper-positive things – for example, switching –
“I can’t get over my ex / I’ll never get over my ex”
“I’m so happy!! I am definitely going to get over my ex!”
However, when you try for such a large gap between what your energetic body is telling you and what your current reality feels like, and where you want to be, quite often your subconscious and energy body know that you don’t really believe what you’re saying. Instead, there are many positive reframing examples that sound equally powerful, but actually resonate with your higher self and how you truly feel as that is what reframing your life is in essence.
That’s why it’s so important for you to change the tempo of your self-talk so that it’s believable so you can take a road to reframing your life at the core.A change from “I’ll never get over my ex” to “I’m willing to consider that I can heal from this” can be an immensely more powerful cognitive reframing than repeating hyper-positive affirmations you don’t truly believe.
You’ve already shown, by using HT and trying out the Healing Frequencies, by reading this guide and by taking action to start to heal your emotional pain, that there is a part of you that believes this is possible – so you are already well on your way to being able to reframe your situation and take back your power.
That being said, cognitive reframing can also be useful for when you are processing the details of your relationship. For example, you might regret losing your temper or behaving in some intense ways as the relationship ended. It’s really common to have those nights where you have too much wine and drunk dial your ex, or you aren’t quite as cool, calm and collected as you would like to be when going through a tough breakup.
Forgive yourself. Instead of beating yourself up about what occurred by berating yourself with self-talk that says things like –
“I shouldn’t have lost my temper, I’m an idiot.”
Reframe to a more positive way of looking at things. Try:
“Ok, so I lost my temper. That tells me that I care very deeply about the situation. I wonder what I can do in the future to manage my anger?”
The truth is, reframing your life is exactly about our perspective. I hope in reading these examples you can see the powerful difference between negative self-talk that’s very closed and leaves you no place to go but down and depressed, and the kind of self-talk about the same situation that’s far more open, questioning and empowering. This is the kind of self-talk that facilitates greater healing and growth and is stirred up by thanks to a process of cognitive reframing.
Cognitive Reframing – Process Your Breakup and Find the Right Balance
As you progress through your healing journey one of the best skills you can learn is how to find the balance that’s right for you between expressing your emotions and over-engaging with your emotions. Once you do that, you will be able to take one step further towards reframing your life.
Having an emotional ‘purge’ via using a journal, talking things over with friends, thinking through what happened around your breakup and having a good cry about what’s happened are ways to healthily release. However, there can also be a time when this becomes less about purging negative emotions and more about pulling in negative emotions.
This is the difference between processing what happened via self-reflection and using that to help yourself do some cognitive reframing and remembering events and arguments over and over again until you feel depressed, anxious and hopeless. Because each person is different, their particular balance point will be different so you will approach the process of reframing your life differently, the way that’s authentic to you and you only. You might find that you need to cry a lot and write a lot about the breakup in your journal. Or you might find one unsent letter and a few tears every now and then is enough to make you feel like you have expressed how you feel.
When you are on your journey to reframing your life, know that there is no right or wrong way to feel, nor is there any rule about how often you need to feel it when it comes to releasing those emotions and transforming them. However, if you know you are prone to bottling up your feelings or dwelling on your emotions long after the point at which it feels like you have released anything, then it’s time to address where you need to balance your emotional processing and take time to focus on reframing emotions.
This can be an incredible skill to learn and it’s all about being really honest with yourself about those times when you are dwelling on things and keeping yourself stuck and when you truly do need to let out emotion and process it.
Can changing perspective help you face other challenges in life? – Absolutely.
Breakups are not the only life-altering experiences that hurt and weaken us, making dealing with everyday issues and tasks difficult or decreasing our capability to function properly. There are some who don’t suffer from heartbreaks caused by the end of a romantic relationship, and yet have lost hope and had their heart broken. No matter what you go through and how hard things may seem, reframing your life will always help you build yourself back up and make you feel stronger.
A life-changing experience is any experience that leaves us discouraged and unable to continue living our lives as we were used to, at least for a while, shaking the structures which we thought were solid and unshakeable. For some it could be a divorce; even an argument with a sibling can cause a great deal of distress,. When we get into an argument with someone we care about, or have to confront a challenging boss or colleague, it be very draining.. People who fall into addictions or battle with depression as a result of negative events that have greatly disturbed and imbalanced their lives are not weak, but rather just dealing with the inability to shift perspective and approach those experiences from a different stance. All of these situations can be dealt with if we learn how to step into the waters of cognitive reframing.
There are countless examples of reframing negative thoughts, and none deny how we feel. Negative situations and events are hard to deal , but once they are past us, what we will do with the experience and lessons learned is entirely up to us. It’s natural to react with a range of negative emotions to such events, but, once we start dwelling on them , we are in fact blocking ourselves from making progress and healing. This is where cognitive reframing steps onto the scene.
Cognitive shifting or reframing is all about adapting ourselves to changing, even stressful and painful events. It is our ability to master our thoughts and own them. When we shift, we make a conscious decision to change perspective so we can get in control of it without rejecting how we feel. We see the situation and all that it is but choose not to let it defeat us. There is something good in every stressful and hurtful event, but it is up to us to find what that is.
Instead of focusing on how insulted and angry we feel during or after an argument, we can consciously shift our thoughts. That is what cognitive reframing is all about. It helps us see the situation as a multiple choice test, instead of a one-correct-answer only essay, meaning we can choose how to feel about it. This way we can choose strategies and perspectives to deal with stressful situations without denying how we feel, by taking charge over it.. By practising cognitive shifting and making progress in reframing your life, we raise the ability to control our mind even while a negative event is happening, not only when it’s past us. It’s not about simply thinking positive, it is about perceiving an event the way it is without getting caught up in negative energy and thoughts.
This way, even the most painful changes are easier to tolerate and errors we make won’t affect us negatively but will help us get the best of them, taking them as important discoveries rather than obstacles or blockages. There are plenty of techniques that can help you gain more control over your own thoughts, many reframing exercises that can help you do the cognitive reframing – you can even invent your own. Our thoughts are our choice. It’s all about the mindset and we are all powerful enough to create a positive one.
This guided meditation is one of the most fundamental to your healing process – it will help you to ground, balance and cleanse. Grounding is incredibly important as it helps to connect you back to yourself, realign your energy body and access the healing power of the Earth.
Reaching a state of Trinity is where your mind, body and soul are balanced, allowing your innate sense of inner calm to return to the surface. Tune in and listen to this powerful holistic frequency before you go to sleep every night, as it will align your mind, body and energetic body, helping you to become balanced.
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