If you can successfully cut contact in one go,this is likely to end up as a No contact rule success story. Because this means that you will have a ‘gap’ where this energy once was, it’s really helpful to replace the activity of contact with your ex with another habit, one which will serve you, and break the addictive cycle more quickly.
If You’ve Never Gone No Contact before then Try This Method:
Pick a date to stop contact within the next few days.
If you have property you need to return, box it up and give it to a friend to give to your ex. Or, you can mail it if you prefer. The point is not to use returning property as a way of putting off no contact or starting a fresh discussion about the breakup.
The night before no contact starts – get rid of all contact details. Delete phone numbers, email addresses and if possible get off social media for a short while. If you can’t do this then unbookmark their pages and make sure you make it hard for yourself to ‘accidentally’ stumble on their page.
Choose an activity to replace your contact with your ex. This should be something you can do easily that will be neutral/positive and provide a distraction. It can be a meditation or grounding practice, a journal where you write positive goals, something to keep your mind and hands busy – like a craft. Or it can be a gentle and affirming exercise such as a short yoga workout. Or you can choose something else that will help you to distract yourself – I know of some people who used easy and repetitive games like Tetris, Bubbleshooter, and CandyCrush (be careful you don’t get addicted to online gaming!). So you wounder, this No contact rule how long it takes? I say the more occupied with something that matters to you the faster you’ll be able to sead the old skin and heal. What’s important is that the activity is positive/neutral and will replace your old habit. Most importantly, it will improve the quality of your life rather than giving you another long term problem to deal with.
It can be helpful to journal at this time but be wary of ‘backdoor’ contact by going over the details of your breakup to an obsessive degree. If you need to write out how you feel in order to process then go ahead, but afterwards burn the paper or put away the notes so you can look at them further down the road. If you prefer to type, save the file and put it away in a folder or onto a memory stick.
Remove mementos and keepsakes of your ex – photos, gifts, cards and other objects that hold an emotional charge for you. If you don’t feel ready to dispose of them by throwing them out, burning or giving them away, then collect them together and put them somewhere you won’t constantly look at them. If you have a friend you trust then you could box up items and get them to keep hold of the box for you for the time being.
From the first day of no contact remind yourself regularly of your healing intention. Use the Healing Frequencies and keep as busy as you can. Just like breaking any other addiction, the first few days are often the hardest. Using the frequencies can also be a great way to replace time you might have spent connecting to energy that is going to keep you stuck. For example – we all know what it’s like to sob our hearts out to a song that reminds us of our ex. This can be helpful when it comes to ‘letting out’ sadness you’ve been holding onto – but it can also become a crutch and keep you stuck. So, if you find yourself sitting in bed playing ‘Stay’ by Rihanna for the 20th time in a row – now is the time to turn it off and to put on the calming and healing frequencies instead!
Be kind to yourself! Take time to self-care and give yourself as much positive attention as you can. You are taking a brave and powerful step towards your healing, so reward yourself with feeling proud of yourself!
If you are wondering whether the No contact rule does work? Then it’s time you tried it. But if you have tried no contact before and it hasn’t worked, then it can be a great idea to reset and begin again, following the plan above.
When No Contact Isn’t Possible
In some circumstances no contact might genuinely be impossible. If you have to have contact with your ex because you parent together or because you have practical issues that have to be discussed / you have to share space (for example you own property together or you work together) then your next best option is to go Low Contact. While No contact rule with kids is unfortunately not an option in most cases, there are still ways to move on.
Protect your energy by spending as little time as possible with your ex. If you have to speak to them about practical matters then keep it amicable and to the point. Don’t be tempted to keep having ‘breakup talks’ about your relationship. It can be helpful to tell your ex that you are going low contact, and you only want to communicate when absolutely necessary about the areas you have to (parenting, etc.).
You can do this kindly via email – keep it short and firm without being aggressive. Let your ex know you are doing this for both your healing.
Follow all the other steps for No Contact – remove mementos, get rid of photos and do not social media stalk.
If Your Ex Gets in Touch
If you find that your ex isn’t on board with no contact then you might have to be firmer with your boundaries. What to do after the 30 days no contact rule? What if they come to you with apologies and offer to give it a go just once more? What if they wan’t to stay in touch?
This can be difficult if you feel guilty or if your ex is struggling to cope. In other circumstances a toxic ex – someone who does not have your best interests at heart – might try to re-establish contact for reasons that are about their ego or about wanting to ‘hook’ you back in. Whichever is the case for you, the best thing you can do is to put firm and clear boundaries in place as calmly as possible.
Don’t get drawn into a discussion about why you should speak to them again. Simply repeat calmly that for both of your sakes you are going no contact and then leave the conversation. You might need to block them on social media or on your email or phone.
It can be tough not to fall into the trap of re-establishing contact if your ex seems distraught or if they suddenly show interest in you when they didn’t before. However both are danger points to watch out for. If the relationship is over and your ex is distraught at not speaking to you, more contact will not make the process of healing any easier for them or for you.
In the long run you are being kinder to yourself and to them by sticking to your guns.
The second instance can be more challenging. There are some people who really are more interested in knowing you still care than they are interested in treating you well. These are the exes who only get in touch with you when they sense you are energetically moving away from them. So, they get in touch, and in that moment it might be tempting to feel flattered, especially if you did a lot of the chasing when in a relationship with them. And while some use the No contact rule to get him back, in these cases, especially if the partner was an energetic vampire, no contact means more peace and a chance to rebalance your energy and protect your energetic field from the ex who brings you vibrational disturbance.
The tough truth of this scenario however, as many people will sadly attest, is that usually the thing they are missing is you missing them, not the relationship. So if you respond to them it’s more than likely that they will do just enough emotional work to be sure of you missing/wanting them again – and once they feel reassured with this, they will let you down again. No contact after breakup psychology is all about finding the inner strength to protect our emotions from being used against us and giving someone a chance to do the same damage to us as they did before.
This is a pattern that many people fall into – especially people who tend to be very emotionally giving. Unfortunately, it’s a great way to re-establish energetic cords and reignite addictive feelings in you, leaving you feeling worse than when no contact was happening. So be aware, and if you find your ex suddenly attempting contact in this situation then remind yourself of your healing intention – ask yourself if the no contact rule will work to serve that intention or not.
No contact is often tough for the first few days but it quickly releases you from the energy of your ex if you stick to it. Remember to be kind to yourself and watch out for sneaky feelings that might try to hook you back into contact.
One of the main ‘stealth’ concepts that can get you breaking no contact rule after breakup is the idea of closure – so let’s talk about what closure is and if you need your ex to give it to you.
A private session with Graham would also be very helpful if you are battling with NO CONTACT, which can be incredibly demanding on you, so much so that it can feel as extreme as going cold turkey to overcome an addiction to drugs, and consequently suffering acute withdrawal symptoms. In this case, the frequencies themselves might not initially break down your wall of pain to mobilise your recovery. You might well be in such a heightened state of emotional distress that what you really need is some immediate relief. You would then be advised to first invest in a 30-minute session with Graham (a 15-minute consultation and a 15-minute healing session) where he will use his gifts to act as a jump start to shift things, so that the frequencies will be at their most effective and powerful. Then the frequencies can be purchased for only $9 each, and after the private session, they will be absorbed much more effectively.
These private sessions are incredibly powerful and will result in quantum leaps in your healing, personal development and vibrational upgrades – this will result in easier and faster manifestation of romantic relationships that actually work, not to mention wealth and abundance in your career, plus many more positive outcomes.