It’s in the space between the love we’ve lost and the love we hope to find, where we meet ourselves. – Mark Groves
Heartache has somehow managed to become a concept associated with enlightenment, as experiencing it opens new doors, while forcing us to close some at the same time. It’s the wake-up call knocking on our door, also known as spiritual awakening. It’s just that spiritual awakening comes with its own challenges. And it can be expressed as “the dark night of the soul” – that life-shaking phase of our life when we feel we lose our voice, when we feel we’ve missed getting on a train, when we start searching for extra meaning. The dark night of the soul explained is the process to not just seeing, but being the light at the end of the tunnel.
What is the Purpose of the Dark Night of the Soul? – To Feel What You Need to Heal.
So, what is the purpose of it? Because behind anything happening out there, there is a reason that will bring us closer to ourselves, right?
Thing is, over the course of your life you may experience, or you might have already experienced, the dark night of the soul stages. Maybe you weren’t able to identify it and point your finger right at it, but you might have felt it become an icon of wisdom that defined you through a certain period of your life.
Like all hard and rough roads we drive through in life, there’s a certain irony we miss each time we go through some serious heartache and trouble. One easy way to explain it would be that you need darkness to see light, right? Or that you need to hit rock bottom and ask yourself all the right questions in order to receive all the right answers.
Many times in life we wonder what our purpose is, especially in our darkest moments, and yet we fail to explain it. But that’s only for a moment. We step into the dark tunnel to experience the pain that we cannot explain, only to later find out that what was happening was just meant to make you whole. To feel what you needed in order to heal.
And then you start to wake up and ask the right questions.
Why Is It Important? Why Is This Important for Me?
Every big journey begins with heartache. Every big fight begins with heartache. Transformation. Greatness. Re-shaping. Adjusting. Yet falling apart. Every great love begins after heartache ends. And before you tell yourself you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, think again. Every great love needs a vacation to undergo heartbreak. Because that, that is the place where you will be reintroduced to yourself.
Your new self.
- It’s important for you because it will redefine you.
- It’s important for you because you will overcome all your fears and realise that the more you jump into the things that frighten you, the more they will fall apart, leaving you stronger.
- Because becoming stronger is, in fact, letting go of everything you thought you were.
- And everything you thought you were metamorphoses into endless possibilities.
- Only through pain can we really learn to appreciate the gift of joy, of unconditional love, of gratitude towards being here, in the present moment.
- And in the present moment you will only truly realise that being alone never was being alone in the first place.
Each person that has crossed your path has been shaping you into what you are today. Think about it. And now that you have, think about your role in all of this. Remember that really old saying we used to get told about how we are what we eat? As we grow up into adults and we build ourselves based on what experiences we allow ourselves to reach out for us, we are shown that we attract what we are. So, you want life experiences to come and hit you, break you, make you cry, sob … and then call your friends, do irrational things, get on a plane, go wild, have five beers and smash that comfort zone of what you thought you were, right? Because one thing really deep pain does to you is to prove you that you are nothing of what you thought you were. Pain shows us that we have the capacity not only to overcome more, but to be more.
Which Are the Signs?
The dark night of the soul stages can have various symptoms, some that we may find familiar, that somehow remind us subtly that each experience we go through is there to teach us an essential lesson. It’s like a milestone to living and building. It will come exactly when you least expect it to, but somehow that moment is the right moment for you to learn an important lesson and be pushed further to the next big thing: spiritual growth.
1. You start to put connection over appearance – With every experience, we manage to get closer to the real and important things in life. And as some have seemed to be illusions, we discover new realities that have been right in front of us all the time. We realise that the human bond and connection lies beyond appearance and other superficial things society has been pushing on us.
2. You begin to research more into spiritual backgrounds and philosophies and resonate with them – Once you start awakening and start realising that there are some universal laws out there since forever, you start digging. And digging. Being thirsty for knowledge, wanting to harness your mind and awaken all your senses. That’s the moment when past meets present and shapes up the future you.
3. Coincidences occur – Oh, and they will be occuring in front of your building and throughout most of your day to day activities. From the smallest things you can think of, to the biggest bumping into people you did not expect to see. Things you did not expect to say at the same time with people you have never met, to colliding with “life” when you least expect it.
4. You become more conscious – More conscious of yourself and your physical body, but also more conscious of what your mind can actually do. Laws of attraction? They are not a myth any longer, just a consequence of your actions aligning to new frequencies.
Why Is the Dark Night of the Soul an Essential Part of a Person’s Personal Development, Especially in the Case of Heartbreak, Love and Life?
When finding yourself in the dark night of the soul poem, learn to show gratitude to what is happening to you, because what will happen is that you will finally be able to let out years and years, decades of pain and suffering. Even lifetimes. The heavy baggage you have been holding on to? Remember that? It’s now time to let go of it. Suffering has an important role in understanding what pain really is and what it comes from. Understanding how our egos (we all have them) play an important role in affecting our experiences. Our egos usually keep us engulfed in fear, not allowing us to evolve, holding on to us like an illness. The dark night of the soul helps us see what letting go truly means, recalibrating your senses to your next steps. Think of yourself as a destination with suffering as part of the journey. You will never be able to reach your true self without it.
But how can it make us stronger?
- Overcoming the dark night of the soul means not being afraid to feel alone anymore – this also means learning how to love yourself and enjoy your own presence.
- It also means facing your demons, everything that has not been serving you or your evolution as an individual.
- It means turning negative emotions into positive ones. Or easier to be said: turning the unfavourable into an advantage.
- Ironically the experience of suffering teaches you that there’s no such thing as right or wrong when it’s a matter of the emotions… and once you understand this, you will be able to feel peace within.
- Emotions can be an essential guide to getting to know yourself better.
- Intuition too. Essential for learning to trust your gut feeling.
- Know that after every big shake-up, nature has a way of shifting things in the opposite direction, and you’ll only be ready to experience extreme highs, if you have experienced extreme lows.
- Self-love is a universal language we should all speak before wanting to dive into true love. Learning to love yourself is the first step to being able to love someone else.
A dark night of the soul only occurs when change is necessary. And once it’s awakened, there is no turning back. That’s when the adventure of life begins.
And as Mark Grove said:
“Maybe it was never about love
Maybe it was all about the experience
Maybe you were a fragment of me I needed to collect
Maybe I had to find you to find me
Maybe you were one of the people whose job was to prepare me for the one who was meant to love me in my eternity
Maybe it just depends on what I chose to believe.”