If it has to happen, then an amicable/peaceful breakup is the kind most people would prefer. Often these are mutual breakups and don’t involve a lot of high-drama or toxic interactions. However, they can sometimes be a stalking horse when it comes to dealing with how you feel. Although highly-charged breakups that are traumatic are obviously not easy to deal with, relationship breakups that are calm because the people involved are repressing their pain, anger and grief can also cause a lot of problems further down the line.
Sometimes we can experience what is described as a very ‘low-drama’ relationship, and breakup that was peaceful. In fact it might be that you and ex had rarely if ever shouted at each other or got into many arguments. If that is the case, it could be hard to understand why you aren’t healing, and it can be that you are repressing how you truly feel so deeply that your emotions keep you stuck.
On the other side of the coin to a highly amicable breakup is one which you have found traumatic, and it is where valuable breakup advice can be the most difficult to come by. These types of breakups often involve very painful aspects such as being cheated on or betrayed in some way, violence (either physical or emotional), or a breakup that was very sudden. One of the common hotspots for this can be if you are carrying a lot of guilt or shame about the breakup. You might feel guilty if you lost your temper and did or said things you now regret. Or you may feel humiliated if you have discovered you were lied to by your ex.
One of the biggest issues for you if you have suffered a traumatic breakup is dealing with the shock of the circumstances surrounding the ending. You might also feel a loss of closure if your ending was very sudden. In these circumstances it might be more tempting than ever to want to keep in touch with your ex, even indirectly via social media, as you try to come to terms with your loss – but this would be a bad idea. In such life situations, we wonder what to do during a break up in order to feel better, and no contact is one of the key ways to heal from a breakup, especially one which was traumatic.
The No Contact Rule is very important, but it’s a great idea to begin to come to terms with the shock you have experienced by regularly grounding and practicing as much gentle self-care as possible. You might be tempted to try and numb how you feel, but on the whole this tends to push the energy of shock deeper into your energetic body, which can lead to a slower healing process. There is a Shock Healing Frequency, which is a healing method which can help you move this energy.
When you experience high levels of rejection it can feel overwhelming. If your ex is with someone new, has cheated on you, moves on quickly or if you feel like you have been rejected as a person it will intensify the feelings of helplessness and loss that you’re going through.
When you internalize your breakup as being a rejection of you as a person overall it can make healing a lot tougher which is why this can be one of the toughest relationship break up experiences.
Changing your perspective is key here. While it’s true that your ex has chosen not to be with you anymore (and you have made the same choice about them if it was mutual), this doesn’t mean that you are flawed as a person or that there is anything wrong with you. This might be hard to accept if you have low self-esteem or if your breakup was very traumatic, so to try and put it into perspective – I invite you to think about a time you rejected someone/something else. It might have been a potential friend or lover or simply a situation that you decided wasn’t going to be right for you.
Try and think back to that time and whether, when you rejected this person/situation, what you were saying was “this person/situation is not worthwhile at all?” Or, whether what you really meant was “this person/situation is not right for me at this time.” Do you see the difference in the two energies? The first is an outright rejection of something as being ‘terrible’, whereas the second is about recognising that sometimes something or someone might have many fantastic qualities, but just isn’t the right fit for you.
When someone falls out of love with you or decides that they don’t feel that the relationship they were in with you is right for them anymore, this is a reflection of a huge range of their life experiences and circumstances – not a statement about you as a person. Even though rejection is very painful, it becomes less painful when you frame it in terms of the relationship being rejected, NOT you as a person overall.
If you find this very hard to frame in your mind this could be a great moment for you to learn about your sense of self and self-worth and how you truly feel about yourself as a person. If you have identified that self-esteem is one of your ‘hotspots’ then pay special attention to the self-esteem healing frequency, which can help you to reconnect with your innate sense of self-worth.
When You Broke Up with Them
People often assume that the person doing the ‘ending’ of the relationship is the one who doesn’t care any longer or who is more ‘in control’ of how they feel. In popular culture it’s often assumed that the person who instigated a breakup is the one who hurts less, or is even the one who has the ‘power.’ This is not necessarily true at all. In reality, dealing with “ breakup or break up ‘’question almost never has to do with selfishness or coldheartedness. Ending a relationship is never easy and it can be especially hard if you were the person to make the final push to breaking up. You may feel a mixture of guilt, relief and anger.
In some relationships the situation gets to a point where you feel you have no choice but to break up. Perhaps there were ongoing issues that you realised could not be resolved. Or your feelings towards your ex may have changed and you know it’s time to move on. Even if it was your decision to end things, you will still feel the loss of them physically and energetically in your life and still need to give yourself time to feel the grief and pain of your loss.
If your ex really didn’t want the split and you did, you might feel guilty for hurting them. This is when it’s a good idea to keep reminding yourself of why you broke up with them. It’s more unfair to stay in a relationship with someone when your heart is no longer in it than it is to break up with them. If they have questions that they want to ask you, then answer them if you feel safe to do so. But also remind yourself that you owe yourself healing, peace and the right relationship for you. If talking with your ex is distressing for you then it’s healthy to prioritise yourself and to care for yourself by setting kind but firm boundaries.
Now you are more aware of what has been happening for you across your physical, emotional and energetic bodies. While you are looking up for comforting breakup quotes online and finding a way to get a relief from how you are feeling, continue to listen to healing frequencies as different emotions come up, and keep your healing intention in mind.
You should begin to find that many emotions and thoughts begin to shift and dissolve, and that more space is opening up in your life for you to think and begin to plan for the future.
Frequencies as healing methods can become your breakup songs, your healing sanctuary. Once you have begun to move past the initial hurt and pain of your breakup it’s time to solidify your healing with creating new movement in your life by putting positive actions and new mindsets into place!