The First Cut is The Deepest? When Teenagers Experience Heartbreak
“Parting is all we need to know of hell” – Emily Dickinson
If you’re reading this guide, you might be in your teens and experiencing heartbreak for the first time. You may instead be an adult looking to discover how to help your teenage daughter with a broken heart or how to help your teenage son with a breakup. These are surely tough times for anyone, especially a teenager, and they will need all the help that
they can get, as a first teenage heartbreak can be devastating for the teen, and have a dramatic impact on their life at the moment, as well as in the future.
Whether you’re a teen or someone supporting a teen, it’s important to know that experiencing heartbreak for the first time is a unique and painful experience. It’s tempting as adults to ‘forget’ the pain of first love, or to dismiss the feelings of younger people because of their relative inexperience and younger age. But in many cases, the effects of heartbreak can be particularly severe for teenagers.
Some of the most common reasons for teenage breakups include trust issues, mental abuse, poor communication, peer pressure, obsession, and then there is the lack of appropriate maturity among one of the two involved in the relationship.
Teenage breakup depression is also a real thing that often comes as a consequence of the heartache. This is why healing time is needed so that the teen can recover from their first heartbreak, but still know that they are loved by other people and understand that they will survive and get back up to enjoy life again.
As adults, more often than not, we have gone through the process of important relationships ending and so have a certain amount of perspective on how we have been able to make it through and eventually heal. But for someone experiencing heartbreak for the first time, this is brand new and can be overwhelming. Although later relationships might be more serious and long-term, and lead to greater losses in terms of financial and practical issues, when teenagers lose their first love it IS very painful.
When a person hits their teens, their brain and body begin to undergo a transformation at a pace not seen since infancy. This means that changes happen at an astonishing rate, and if you add first sexual experiences into the mix, then life can become incredibly intense. There are also differences in the adolescent brain to the brain of someone in their twenties – including in areas responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation. So while it might be tempting as a parent to dismiss the experiences of your teen, this would be a huge mistake. First love IS love, and the loss of it can be every bit as devastating to a teen as to someone who is older.
If you’re supporting a teen who is going through a breakup, you might find it hard to get them to talk to you. It can be helpful to try and give them tools to help them understand – like this guide and healing frequencies so that they can learn how to manage their emotions. These skills will stand them in good stead as they grow into adulthood. Many people feel that teenagers will ‘get over’ a breakup in time.
However, as we’ve seen, there’s so much happening across different levels of being for people when they’re experiencing heartache that a particularly traumatic breakup and its aftermath can set the stage for more difficulties down the line for teens once they mature into adults.
There are also some strategies that parents and those who care about a teen going through a difficult breakup can use to show their support and help the teenager recover. One of the most important actions to take is to ensure that the emotions of the teenager are validated – the parent should ensure their child knows that they are there for them, that they care, and that they have been through the same. The parent should also respect and support the decision of their teenager, should they have been the one to initiate the breakup.
Understanding that the next few weeks after such a breakup will most likely feel like a roller coaster ride is important for both the teen experiencing the heartache and for those who want to support the teen. Emotions will go up and down, and they need to be supported throughout the entire process. It would not, however, be wise to start making too much of a fuss about the situation, but to rather be a good listener to the one who is going through the trauma. Listen to what they have to say and understand how they feel, then offer your compassion.
Offering the teen going through a difficult time an opportunity to be distracted a little can also be helpful in taking their mind of the breakup and giving them a chance to enjoy something in life.
Understanding that there are also many resources for teenage breakup advice can help the teen and the parent better approach the issue so that healing can begin. Reading up about teenage breakup stories can also help a parent understand how other teens have survived the process and get a better understanding of how they can support their child.
Bear in mind that during this period of life if you’re a teen, you are quite likely to be experimenting with and exploring several areas in life. If this exploring includes alcohol or harmful substances, then teenagers can be at risk for developing problems when trying to numb out painful emotions.
The bottom line is – teen heartbreak is real and needs the same healing care that any other heartbreak does.
Why all this caution?
Because the way a person handles relationship issues in teenage eventually affects how they handle them in adulthood. Scientific research has proven that “early adolescent positive effects predicted fewer relationship problems (less self-reported and partner-reported conflict, greater friendship attachment as rated by close peers), healthy adjustment to adulthood (lower levels of depression, anxiety, and loneliness). It also predicted positive work functioning (higher levels of career satisfaction and job competence) and increased self-worth.
This simply means that how you handle your first love and first breakup sets the tone for the way you handle love for the rest of your life. This is why the manner in which it’s handled should allow the person be able to develop a sense of autonomy and a sense of identity. This is how strong foundations of self-esteem are built.
And as one of the most profound consequences of teenage breakup can be a loss of self-esteem resulting from rejection, with lingering effects that have repercussions in future relationships and in future life in general, it is worth having a closer look at the subject of Self-esteem and Rejection, explored in detail in the next article.
Self Esteem and Rejection
“Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable”
– Brene Brown
For some people, the experience of loss can be the strongest emotion they face. This can tap into a fear of being alone or being unsure how to fill the social gap that your ex has left. For other people a breakup can have a significant impact on their self-esteem and self-worth, especially if they’ve been rejected.
We’ve discussed how rejection is one of the most painful experiences that anyone can experience both physically and emotionally, and it can be compounded if you already suffer from low self-worth. If a lot of your self-perception is based on being in a relationship and connected to your ex then losing the relationship can impact your self-esteem.
This is why it’s helpful to examine how you think about yourself and what you believe about your worth. Being rejected is painful, and it can knock even the most confident person for six, but if you already hold core beliefs that you’re not worthy of love or you are in some way not ‘good enough’ then it will help you to look at where those beliefs came from.
While it’s true that your ex may have rejected the idea of being in a relationship with you, this doesn’t mean that you as a person are unworthy or unlovable. It means that this one person has chosen differently, and often their choices will have little to do with your innate worth or value as a person.
If you have been the person to instigate the split you might still feel the sting of rejection if your ex readily agreed. Or you may feel guilty if they are upset and depressed at the end of the relationship. Again, remind yourself of all the value you offer and that during the time that rejection is still very raw or not properly processed it can be intense. Try to be kind to yourself.
Here are a few easy tips on how you can achieve this;
- Pamper yourself and give yourself some treats by sleeping enough, eat enough fruits and vegetables, stay well groomed and look after your appearance. These self-care treats give you a relaxation response that prevents chronic stress that can be harmful to your health.
- Talk to a mental health professional because it gives you better heart health and less depression. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than to relatives or friends, a trained therapist will help get help from within you, without judging you. They help you either find a solution to the issue or help you cope and eventually feel better.
- Get some energy healing. As discussed in this blog before, everything in the universe is comprised of energy, vibration and frequency. When you’re going through a state of fear, anxiety and rejection, your energy field can feel blocked and clouded. You need healing through frequencies to repair, tune and holistically align you back to your natural state.
- Reach out to family and friends who may be able to relate to what you’re going through. This can help the situation seem less scary and eventually it gives you a clearer perspective.
- Finally, exercise your mind and body. Studies show that physical activity improves your body’s ability to take in more oxygen and improve blood flow. This has direct effects on your brain as it increases the production of endorphins, the feel good neurotransmitters that are responsible for the sense of well being and a happy euphoria. Great workout can include aerobics, swimming, cycling and many more.
One final area to discuss about rejection is the feeling of powerlessness it can produce, especially if you didn’t choose the breakup. Having someone you love make the decision not to continue in the relationship can be made worse when you aren’t in agreement and still want to carry on. This can be a time when you slip into fantasy and rumination (repetitively going over a thought or problem) about your ex that doesn’t accurately reflect reality. You might look at them as the perfect person or tell yourself that you can overcome any challenges – even if you and your ex were objectively no longer suited to each other.
Remember a lot of this is a natural reaction and is part of your mind and emotions trying to recapture the hormonal rewards that we discussed earlier. It can help to try and take a step back and look at the problems that were happening in the lead up to the end of your relationship. Even writing a list of the negative times can be helpful – not so you can go over events that hurt you, but so you can catch yourself when you start misremembering the truth of your relationship as the sting of rejection hits you.
Coming up next: Crack the code when it comes to your metaphysical body and find out how relationships in general affect your energy and auric field.
— Here are Suggested Frequencies for Self-Esteem & Rejection —
You can experience hurt, sadness or heartbreak caused by career challenges, by love, or relationships and they can impact all aspects of life, leaving you increasingly anxious and stressed. Whether it’s conflict within your family, disappointment caused by the failure of a project, difficulty recovering from the effects of an accident, the end of a sporting career … you can be affected by the same kind of grief that surrounds you with a breakup. The soothing effect of this frequency helps you find a greater sense of calm and peace, escape from your elevated levels of stress and anxiety, so that you gain the strength to make practical changes in your life.
Constant tiredness, lethargy, feelings of hopelessness and confusion are just some of the heavy feelings we deal with when depressed. You can lift that dark fog with the help of this sound, which is created to help you break the chains of depression and get out of the paralysing ‘hopeless’ stage.
Self-confidence can be severely damaged when you are going through a breakup or even when you don’t feel accepted in your place of work, school, or even in your circle of friends. It is very common to blame yourself, feel rejected and start building a negative self-image. If this is you, there is a frequency at your disposal to help you rebuild confidence, be kinder to yourself and remember just how amazing you truly are.
You deserve to feel good about yourself! But one of the hardest things to do when devastated by life’s issues such as loss is to find self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up, let this frequency become a part of your wellness toolkit to help you get out of the self-blame circle. It is designed to give you an extra boost of love and compassion when you need it the most. Remember, you are worthy of love and need to remember to be kind to yourself.
Get extra support so that you can pinpoint and heal old wounds. Book a private session to avail yourself of bespoke healing through Graham’s psychic diagnostic method that will remove energy attachments that may be draining or feeding off your personal energy. This will allow you to finally dissolve cords to past lovers and past lives with generational karmic ties inherited through family members, or past life vows of celibacy, karmic debts that are keeping you from moving forward in your present reality.
These private sessions are incredibly powerful and will result in quantum leaps in your healing, personal development and vibrational upgrades making manifestation of romantic relationships that actually work, wealth and abundance in your career, for example, easier and faster.