Breakup is one of the most life-altering experiences in our lives. It affects our daily life directly and deeply. The changes we encounter when going through the process vary, but one thing is certain and needs to be accepted – no matter how hard we pondered that dilemna – how to get back with ex – it just didn’t work out. So, why is getting over an ex so hard?
Moving on after a good relationship and getting over a partner we love is not an easy process because finding someone who is worthy of our time and investment is not something that happens every day. That is why it is natural and not uncommon to end up in a vicious circle of thoughts, and instead of focusing on moving on, you ask yourself only one question – how to get my ex back? Such relationships are based on mutual feelings of love, and no matter what happened, we tend to cling to all the positive memories. We might try to win them over and fight to get them back. But what happens when they seem to have moved on with their lives, and yet, here we are, stuck in a rut with all those negative emotions? So, how do we deal with the fact that this relationship we cared so much about is no longer part of our lives? Can we get our ex back? Have you ever considered how to get your ex back when they seem to have moved on?
The good news is, the answer is yes, you can get your ex back. The best way to do it is a bit paradoxical, off the charts and definitely not something many would think of – but it works and has its roots in reverse psychology. Here is the trick: to get the love you deserve, you must focus on yourself, work on self-acceptance and invest in emotional healing, and this is why getting over your ex is the best way to get them back. By getting over them you challenge your growth and as a result become more stable and self-confident.
We are going to focus on four concepts here, and these are: acceptance, embracing challenge, self-improvement and the novelty effect, because it is these concepts that make up the process of getting over someone in the healthiest way possible, making us more attractive and happier than ever, which is exactly how we can win our lover back.
1. Steps To Get Your Ex Back Start with Acceptance – By Accepting it’s Over We Show Maturity
To move on after breakup is not an easy thing to do. The first step lies in acceptance. No matter how hard we tried, how much time and energy we invested, the relationship didn’t work and the breakup was a natural consequence. While it is good and healthy to mourn the death of a relationship, this must not last forever. After all, if it was all that good it wouldn’t have ended. We tend to blame ourselves, question our role in what is now an ex-relationship, ask ourselves what we could have done to make it better and wonder where and how it all went downhill.
The trick here is to stop blaming ourselves or partner, but simply accept that there were problems in the relationship and a lack of compatibility to begin with, and that is ok. If it was supposed to work out – it would have. The power of acceptance lies in acknowledgment. We must accept it’s over and cherish all the positive memories, but acknowledge that the relationship is over; we did the best we could back then to make it work and there is nothing we could change about the relationship or ourselves at the time that would change that.
Acceptance is the first step to separating unity, such as a relationship, into two individual parts, two people who are now going to move on and it is a natural process that needs to happen. It is about accepting all the emotions and the past we had as it is. You are now single, and that is ok.
2. By getting over them we embrace challenge and positive change
After we have accepted that there is nothing we can do about the relationship, it is time to embrace the change and focus on ourselves, and to do so it is time for some self-reflection. Getting over someone is a challenge, but it is a challenge that can help us grow.
It is time to stop thinking about how to get your ex back after a breakup and time to start redirecting your energy from wanting to ‘’make it work’’ and getting your lover back, to wanting to love yourself more than ever.
The challenge lies not only in accepting singlehood, but learning to redirect our energy from ‘’us’’ to ‘’I’’. It is part of ourselves that isn’t honest and functional, that is doing us no good, and instead we should accept all the good within us, everything that makes us unique. We might have suppressed that need to be challenged and so the failed relationship is there to help us recognize that. This is how we resolve the inner conflicts which caused problems in intimate relationships in the past.
The orientation is towards self. Instead of focusing on the relationship, the ex-partner and what they need and how they would perceive the perfect lover, or the past, we must redirect our attention and embrace positive change and therefore focus on ourselves. During the relationship, we focused on what our partner needed, the relationship as a whole and what we needed to be in order to make it work.
But what would YOU like to change about yourself? What is your relationship with yourself like? How do YOU see the ideal you? What do YOU need to be happy? How can YOU improve your life? This is important because old ways won’t open new doors, and this knowledge helps us become more self-aware, as we focus on our own needs and recognize that being single is a chance to grow.
3. By Focusing on Self-Improvement Instead of Winning Them Back We Become More Attractive
Now that you have accepted the challenge of singlehood, it is time to take concrete steps to make those changes you have decided translate into reality. This means doing all the things that feel right and are good for you, and that would mean taking care of your physical body, as well as spiritual health and mind. The relationship we had is no longer something we derive happiness from, which is why the best way to get over an ex is focusing on other things that make us happy. This doesn’t mean changing our inner core, just enhancing, boosting and leveling-up in all the aspects of our lives we can generate more happiness from.
We all know at least one person who suddenly became the best possible version of themselves after a breakup. They generated positivity and had an aura of self-confidence around them that was unexplainable. It is all about focusing on personal happiness. By working on ourselves, our mind, body and soul, we become happier, more fulfilled, self-confident and therefore more attractive.
What are the habits you need to ditch? Do you want to be more organized and generous, or less possessive? Do you think you need to be more active or creative? Now is the perfect time to embrace a new hobby, start exercising or quit a job that doesn’t make you happy, and believe it or not, this will come quite naturally to you, as we are programmed to find a replacement once we lose something, and replacing a love relationship with self-love is the healthiest solution possible.
4. By Moving on We Awaken Their Curiosity
The new you is over the past relationship. Getting over an ex you still love wasn’t an easy task. The new you has embraced the challenge of being single and accepted all the emotions entangled in the painful process of getting over someone, while cherishing all the good times you two had. You are your own new priority. You are the same as you were, and yet you’ve changed and became a happier version of yourself, more self-confident and more stable. And this new version doesn’t cling or ask for love, but is ready to accept reality with both feet on the ground.
By focusing on ourselves and generating love, we attract love. And yes, at the top of the line of people who will be curious about your new ways is your ex. You are something they had and lost and now you are better than ever. It is natural for people who think they are familiar with something, and that something proves to be different, to begin to question their perceptions and values. It is the process of acceptance, embracing challenges and self-improvement that makes us more stable and helps us ditch old patterns that no longer serve us.
So, how to get your ex back? The answer is – by getting over them and focusing on yourself. Your ex will be curious about your new life, and you, by generating love and radiating self-confidence, will plant a seed of doubt in their mind, making them think about re-evaluating the relationship you once had, and making them ultimately fall in love with you again. So, the next time you wonder how to get over your ex, focus on love within, and you will find the answer.